Princess Kate attended a family soiree

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Dearest Kate,

I see that you had some family business to take care of recently with your hubby. 

I know it’s hard to keep impressing the Queen Mama.. but it was a celebration in her honor so you had no other choice.

But, it looks like you were doing fine.

Your dress was lovely.

Your hat was divine.

The small clutch matched your shoes perfectly.

So far..things were going really great at this event.

But, I am not sure what you can do with your tired looking eyes.

I blame that on being a mama.

Glad to see your doing well.

Signed,

A concerned friend.

 

Kate’s whirlwind India tour

Dearest Kate,

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I am so happy that your grandmother-in-law.. the Queen… gave you an opportunity to hang with some peeps from India and Bhutan at Kensington Palace.  

It’s great practice for when you arrive in the real India and Bhutan.   Good call Queen Mama.

No worries though. You’ll have your hunky hubby with you… and probably like 100s of photographers documenting your every move.

Just remember…stay close to your hubby and keep moving along.

Have fun!

Signed,

A concerned friend.

Kate wears a long shirt

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

Holy Moly!  You are amazing girl!

You must be one of those “rebound mommies”,  you know, Mom’s who never looked like they had a baby 6 weeks ago.

An example of those mamas are Halle Berry, Kate Hudson ( only after her last baby) , Angelina Jolie, and maybe Jennifer Garner.  

I know that you probably wearing some Spanx… but that’s ok.  

Just remember to always have your shirt tail longer than your waistline, so no one can peek at your old pregnancy belly.

Well, I know your super busy with those babies and Prince William.

Cheers.

Wearing an off the shoulder dress = a date with a Prince

Prince Harry invited a pretty girl named Jenna Coleman to sit with him after a polo match.

When you’re an actress at a polo match, and Prince Harry invites you to his private tent, what do you do?

Uhh…that’s like a no brainer.  Go for it!

And what if you are the actor dude from Game of Thrones who recently broke up with Jenna, what are you thinking now?

Ugggh!!  I really screwed up!  There is no chance of a reconciliation.  Nope.  Never going to happen.

The news was they were very flirty, and the pictures did not lie.   I guess she made the right wardrobe choice… an off the shoulder number.  That seemed to be a winner!

Dear Kate..some tips on taking care of baby Charlotte….

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

Hello again!  Just checking in to see how you are holding up with the new baby at home.

It’s been about two weeks now since beautiful Charlotte was born.  I hope Prince William is helping with the diapers.

(Please note,  I am sure you are super busy, so this letter will only take a few minutes. Please tell that crazy bachelor brother-in-law of yours, Harry,  to stay away.  Prince William is going to get jealous of his brother’s freedom soon.  

Kate,  these next few weeks are called the transition period in the newborn phase, so it’s super important for me to write to you!

Here are some tips I read about in “Raising a Princess after she has been home for a few weeks…”  

Important Princess tips:  

  1. Baby Charlotte will be more alert now, and is aware of her diaper “fashion”.  She does care a lot about how she looks. My advice to you is buy her some Jessica Alba Honest diapers with cutesy prints on t423112b8f74f46ec40dfce14835fe6cchem.  If it’s good enough for an actresses child, it’s good enough for your Princess.  Her bum is super important during this phase.
  2. Baby Charlotte will still be napping quite often, but when she is awake, she’ll require everyone to pay attention to her and only her..No one should pay any attention to her brother or the family dog. Enroll Baby George in preschool now… send the dog out for a walk.  
  3. She may cry a little louder now, but really, she is practicing her blame game on her brother.  Useful! A Princess is always right.
  4. Prince Harry and her other Uncle will only be allowed to hold her facing outwards, in one of those baby carriers..  Charlotte can not have ANY eye contact or become attached to ANY male figure other than her Daddy.
  5. Her bottles must be kept warm, and ready to go at a moments notice.  She is learning the art of instant gratification, which is important to a Princess.
  6. Baby Charlotte will inspect all clothing from here on out…she will not allow any clothing in her closet under $1000.00.  Hopefully, Godfather Elton John, or other famous Uncles and Aunties gave baby gifts of designer baby couture…
  7. For any new princess,  she will need to have some updates on other royal babies being born… . and no…. that does not include any of the Kardashian babies….just royalty only….she needs to step up her game now before it’s too late.

Ok.  That’s seems about right for now.  Good luck with the next few weeks…I heard after 6 weeks at home, the baby becomes very demanding…Maybe I will write you then.. Ta ta!

Cheers!

A letter to Kate, Duchess of Cambridge…

Dear Kate Middleton, uh, my apologies,  Duchess of Cambridge,

Talk about your quickie birth.

I know you just gave birth to your new daughter; she’s quite lovely, and a perfect shade of pink.

But, I am really surprised you are already leaving the hospital.  Isn’t there a way Prince Charles can take care of Prince William for one day and night?  Or Prince William can take care of Prince George for a night?

I mean, I know it’s stressful and all, but Prince William really needs to read up on some parenting books, like Sh*t, I am going to be a father again;  or Parenting the Royal Way; or Princes and their Princesses..say goodbye to Sleep..  those might have been more supportive.

Duchess, you have my sympathy and all the women around the world’s sympathy.

Let’s face it…you were really looking forward to taking those pain pills for one night, and also just chilling and having the nurses wait on you.  I got you.

You shouldn’t have any guilt about wanting that..But no.. Obviously,  others have certain ideas for you….

Maybe next time, you could call baby Daddy William and  re-ask him to hold down the fort for just one night? Please?

I know the last thing you wanted to do was get all properly dressed, with hosiery, and pumps immediately after the birth… and have your hair and makeup person tone down any water retention,  with the Kim Kardashian makeup shading tips…

I will give you some credit.. Good call with the long baby blanket.  It definitely hides an after birth tummy.   That was a very good decision Kate.

Cheers.