Dear Kate….your baby portrait session is amazing!

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

Wow!  What can I say?

I just saw your cute little picture of your baby Charlotte with her older brother, George.  

You rock Kate!  It was color coordinated perfectly.

It’s so refreshing to see your name as the copyrighted image of this picture.  

The Kardashian’ s certainly would not stoop to this same level.  Even Caitlyn Jenner, who has only been a girl for a few weeks, hired Annie Leibowitz as her personal portrait maker.

Something is a miss with the world!  

Royalty taking their own pictures…..The Kardashian’s and Jenner’s hiring famous photographers…  life doesn’t seem fair.

I digress.

I know it’s been a few weeks since I last wrote to you, but thanks for keeping us up to date with the royal baby news.

It looks like you must be feeling like yourself again to take time from your busy mommy -ing, and set up a picture worthy baby portrait session.

We love it!

Well, hope to hear from you soon.  But, I understand if you’re busy or something.


Dear Kate..some tips on taking care of baby Charlotte….

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

Hello again!  Just checking in to see how you are holding up with the new baby at home.

It’s been about two weeks now since beautiful Charlotte was born.  I hope Prince William is helping with the diapers.

(Please note,  I am sure you are super busy, so this letter will only take a few minutes. Please tell that crazy bachelor brother-in-law of yours, Harry,  to stay away.  Prince William is going to get jealous of his brother’s freedom soon.  

Kate,  these next few weeks are called the transition period in the newborn phase, so it’s super important for me to write to you!

Here are some tips I read about in “Raising a Princess after she has been home for a few weeks…”  

Important Princess tips:  

  1. Baby Charlotte will be more alert now, and is aware of her diaper “fashion”.  She does care a lot about how she looks. My advice to you is buy her some Jessica Alba Honest diapers with cutesy prints on t423112b8f74f46ec40dfce14835fe6cchem.  If it’s good enough for an actresses child, it’s good enough for your Princess.  Her bum is super important during this phase.
  2. Baby Charlotte will still be napping quite often, but when she is awake, she’ll require everyone to pay attention to her and only her..No one should pay any attention to her brother or the family dog. Enroll Baby George in preschool now… send the dog out for a walk.  
  3. She may cry a little louder now, but really, she is practicing her blame game on her brother.  Useful! A Princess is always right.
  4. Prince Harry and her other Uncle will only be allowed to hold her facing outwards, in one of those baby carriers..  Charlotte can not have ANY eye contact or become attached to ANY male figure other than her Daddy.
  5. Her bottles must be kept warm, and ready to go at a moments notice.  She is learning the art of instant gratification, which is important to a Princess.
  6. Baby Charlotte will inspect all clothing from here on out…she will not allow any clothing in her closet under $1000.00.  Hopefully, Godfather Elton John, or other famous Uncles and Aunties gave baby gifts of designer baby couture…
  7. For any new princess,  she will need to have some updates on other royal babies being born… . and no…. that does not include any of the Kardashian babies….just royalty only….she needs to step up her game now before it’s too late.

Ok.  That’s seems about right for now.  Good luck with the next few weeks…I heard after 6 weeks at home, the baby becomes very demanding…Maybe I will write you then.. Ta ta!


Dear Kate….just checking in…how’s baby Charlotte?

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

I hope your short week at home has been restful.  I know England is still super excited about its new member of the Royal family.

I even saw Chef Jamie Oliver make a special Charlotte cake for teatime.  That’s like….. amazing!

I am sure baby Charlotte is making herself comfortable in the castle.  I think I saw her grimace once,  when all the twitter world was talking about the Sex and the City stuff.  

I know that must have been a low point in her early life.  But, scandals, gossip, and mockery usually fizzle out.

Sadly, there will always be gossip when you’re famous.  Remember this advice.

For example, what’s all the fuss about that Charles Spencer dude? I heard he also has a daughter named Charlotte.

Are your families not speaking to one another?

That seems like important information to have considered when you were naming your new daughter.

I feel sorry for the original Charlotte, ’cause now your daughter has taken over her namesake.  Ugh.  The inhumanity of it all!

Well, hope all is well, and that Prince William hasn’t booked you for some appearances next week, where it requires you to put on hosiery again.  That dress, by the way,  is still fresh in my mind.  Classy!

Let that belly bounce back on it’s own.

Don’t start doing that thing Kim Kardashian and Jessica Alba did, you know, “corsetting.”   The Victorian Age is long gone.  Ask your grandmum-in-law about that!

Ok.  Nice speaking to you.  I know you’re busy with the baby and I heard that Uncle Harry might be stopping by later, and you know that requires a lot of attention.


A letter to Kate, Duchess of Cambridge…

Dear Kate Middleton, uh, my apologies,  Duchess of Cambridge,

Talk about your quickie birth.

I know you just gave birth to your new daughter; she’s quite lovely, and a perfect shade of pink.

But, I am really surprised you are already leaving the hospital.  Isn’t there a way Prince Charles can take care of Prince William for one day and night?  Or Prince William can take care of Prince George for a night?

I mean, I know it’s stressful and all, but Prince William really needs to read up on some parenting books, like Sh*t, I am going to be a father again;  or Parenting the Royal Way; or Princes and their Princesses..say goodbye to Sleep..  those might have been more supportive.

Duchess, you have my sympathy and all the women around the world’s sympathy.

Let’s face it…you were really looking forward to taking those pain pills for one night, and also just chilling and having the nurses wait on you.  I got you.

You shouldn’t have any guilt about wanting that..But no.. Obviously,  others have certain ideas for you….

Maybe next time, you could call baby Daddy William and  re-ask him to hold down the fort for just one night? Please?

I know the last thing you wanted to do was get all properly dressed, with hosiery, and pumps immediately after the birth… and have your hair and makeup person tone down any water retention,  with the Kim Kardashian makeup shading tips…

I will give you some credit.. Good call with the long baby blanket.  It definitely hides an after birth tummy.   That was a very good decision Kate.