Princess Kate attended a family soiree

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Dearest Kate,

I see that you had some family business to take care of recently with your hubby. 

I know it’s hard to keep impressing the Queen Mama.. but it was a celebration in her honor so you had no other choice.

But, it looks like you were doing fine.

Your dress was lovely.

Your hat was divine.

The small clutch matched your shoes perfectly.

So far..things were going really great at this event.

But, I am not sure what you can do with your tired looking eyes.

I blame that on being a mama.

Glad to see your doing well.

Signed,

A concerned friend.

 

Prince has the Daddy Blues…

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Dearest Kate,

It’s been a few months since I last wrote to you.  I see you are holding up well over the holidays…and ….Happy New Year!

I am so happy that you were able to fit in one of those holiday portrait sittings.  Those are really important for future #tbt or memories and all that.

I didn’t see the rambling Christmas letter though…….but that’s ok. Maybe you were super busy?  Oh well.

The reason I am writing is because word on the street is that Prince hubby is getting super emotional about being a Daddy.  It’s the hidden illness that isn’t talked about:  The Daddy Blues.

He’s probably very sentimental right now…seeing his prince and princesses growing up.  Maybe it’s time for another?

I know you might be laughing about that crazy statement.  But, hubby might need another baby so he won’t have time to be sentimental and all that because he’ll be too busy working to provide for his big family.

By the way, I am glad you are “keeping it together” and not suffering from the womanly postpartum blues.   

However….Prince William is calling out for help.  You might want to consider a respite with your handsome Prince William.

So get him to the Caribbean as fast as you can!

A good dose of Vitamin D stomps out those winter blues.

I know.  You have a lot of things on your mind, like your children, but go ahead and book that vacay with all the frills as soon as possible.

Believe me.   He will be happy and relieved you did something to help him out.

Oh well.  It’s good to see you happy and the kids look great!

Take care and I’ll speak to you soon.

 

 

Dear Kate..some tips on taking care of baby Charlotte….

Dear Kate, Duchess of Cambridge,

Hello again!  Just checking in to see how you are holding up with the new baby at home.

It’s been about two weeks now since beautiful Charlotte was born.  I hope Prince William is helping with the diapers.

(Please note,  I am sure you are super busy, so this letter will only take a few minutes. Please tell that crazy bachelor brother-in-law of yours, Harry,  to stay away.  Prince William is going to get jealous of his brother’s freedom soon.  

Kate,  these next few weeks are called the transition period in the newborn phase, so it’s super important for me to write to you!

Here are some tips I read about in “Raising a Princess after she has been home for a few weeks…”  

Important Princess tips:  

  1. Baby Charlotte will be more alert now, and is aware of her diaper “fashion”.  She does care a lot about how she looks. My advice to you is buy her some Jessica Alba Honest diapers with cutesy prints on t423112b8f74f46ec40dfce14835fe6cchem.  If it’s good enough for an actresses child, it’s good enough for your Princess.  Her bum is super important during this phase.
  2. Baby Charlotte will still be napping quite often, but when she is awake, she’ll require everyone to pay attention to her and only her..No one should pay any attention to her brother or the family dog. Enroll Baby George in preschool now… send the dog out for a walk.  
  3. She may cry a little louder now, but really, she is practicing her blame game on her brother.  Useful! A Princess is always right.
  4. Prince Harry and her other Uncle will only be allowed to hold her facing outwards, in one of those baby carriers..  Charlotte can not have ANY eye contact or become attached to ANY male figure other than her Daddy.
  5. Her bottles must be kept warm, and ready to go at a moments notice.  She is learning the art of instant gratification, which is important to a Princess.
  6. Baby Charlotte will inspect all clothing from here on out…she will not allow any clothing in her closet under $1000.00.  Hopefully, Godfather Elton John, or other famous Uncles and Aunties gave baby gifts of designer baby couture…
  7. For any new princess,  she will need to have some updates on other royal babies being born… . and no…. that does not include any of the Kardashian babies….just royalty only….she needs to step up her game now before it’s too late.

Ok.  That’s seems about right for now.  Good luck with the next few weeks…I heard after 6 weeks at home, the baby becomes very demanding…Maybe I will write you then.. Ta ta!

Cheers!

Spa Day at Home

A spa day at home isn’t always a great idea.  The closest thing I could do at home was go outside and sit on a lounge chair.  After a few minutes, it was obvious that it wasn’t going to be the same experience.

There were a few key things missing:

  1. No spa services.
  2. No friendly staff member bringing me chilled water.
  3. No towel service.
  4. No pool.
  5. No jacuzzi.
  6. No masseuse.
  7. No people.
  8. No smelly aromatherapy.

It kinda sucked.

So, the only inspirational thing for me to do was replicate a spa lunch.    I could do that.

Thankfully, I was just at the market, and picked up a Lean Cuisine Spa Collection meal.

Yes.  I feel very blessed that Lean Cuisine had a meeting one afternoon,  to help people like me, who were at home, looking to recreate a spa experience.

I was a little hesitant at first in placing my trust in a frozen fish dinner.   But, I was fully committed to the experience:

  • First, it was healthy.
  • The sodium content was less than a Hungry Man dinner.
  • It had orzo pasta with peas and carrots.
  • And it was only 250 calories.

After zapping it in the microwave, because we all know finer spas microwave their fresh ingredients for clientele,  I was brought to a fishy land of cats and mermaids.

I unwrapped the eco friendly packaging that contained my fresh Spa meal, and was a little disappointed.

Dang it.  The fresh herbs were missing!

The only spa experience was the “steam facial”  that came from the hot steam that escaped the package.

Mmmm…….thanks Lean Cuisine.

Hummus in cooking?

Hummus is one of those foods you think you won’t enjoy, but after one taste, it’s highly addictive.

Sometimes I think why can’t you use hummus in cooking?

Probably not.

I don’t think I have seen a cookbook dedicated only to hummus.

I know hummus is sometimes used in the sandwich world as a replacement for mayonnaise.  But that’s about it.  I haven’t seen it in potato salad, egg salad, or pasta salad.  That would be really gross.  And hummus never looked appetizing with that oily mess on top.  But, it really tastes good.

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Pretend Hipster for a Day

I am not aman-597179_640 hipster, and I am certainly not a man.

The only way I could feel like a true hipster was to go out of my comfort zone and do some manly things..

It requires me to think like a man.

I call it  “My hipster man plan.” 

  1. First,  I glanced through some online hipster sites, like the tourism page of Portland, Oregon.   Very informative.
  2. I noticed a lot of hipsters are creative types, so I took a couple of pics outside of nature.  Instagrammed them immediately with hashtags #freetobemelife  #joshuatree  #reclaimedwood  #rivers #hipsterlife
  3. Hipsters love their coffee, so I went to my local artisan coffee shop and ordered some Americanos with some shots of expresso.  Super hyped.
  4. I ordered a smoothie of hummus, kale, and avocado.  Added a banana for sweetness..
  5. Went to REI store and pretended to look at the camping equipment.
  6. Watched a compost heap do its thing… 
  7. Changed my root beer, to a craft beer. 
  8. Picked up some local eggs by the side of the road.
  9. Took a nap in a canoe.
  10. Looked at the clouds, jotted a poem in my leather wrapped journal.
  11. Read a book on Growing Beards the Hipster way...
  12. Made sure I had a lot of bearded friends hanging out with me sporadically during the day… most had the new Apple watch.

I think this was hipster?

The Real Housewives of…

My decision to watch some Bravo TV, especially  The Real Housewives of…(insert city) . …  is always a good decision.

I love that even if I miss a show, I can watch it later. Yea!  I admit it…. I have spent many a late night catching up on the Housewives.  They do matter. Yep.  They do.

However, out of all the The Real Housewives series on Bravo, the Australia one is the least popular in my book. Why?

First, the episodes are only on demand.  I am not even sure if Bravo shows them during day/or nighttime hours.

Also, it seems like the Australian women all have the same affinity for poor hair and makeup.  Sadly, they seem stuck in another decade.

From their garish eyeshadow, to sprayed up hairstyles, it’s like Australia just started the 80s all over again.  It reminds me of the women on Dynasty… ..makeup is overdone, hair is super fried, and its hard to get into their story-lines, because I can’t stop critiquing their awful hair and makeup.

Sorry Australia.

Really….I think because the Housewives of New York, OC, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, and maybe NJ are the originals, it is hard to compete.

With this original group, you can expect attractive people, and good choices in clothing and hair.  You can always count on them looking amazing. …also, good character plots involving yelling, screaming, spending, partying, and vacationing in exotic locations make anything more exciting…..It’s obvious they spend lots of money on hair, makeup, and stylists.

.. Those hair wigs can’t be cheap!

Also, Bravo is really bringing the shows this season.  There’s  Southern Charm which I still haven’t decided is worth my time; the Shahs of Sunset-  a show with lots of Kardashian-like women; and finally, Million Dollar Listing-  a show of fun loving men in real estate.

Free Workout Video Day

I was very motivated to fit in some fitness today, after realizing the morning was almost turning into mid afternoon.

I am always looking for some interesting at home workouts, and remembered the cable company had some free workout videos.  I searched in the menu, looked under sports, and voila, found the fitness videos of unknown fitness pros.

The cable company gave it a special name to make you feel like you were enrolling in some fitness class from the 1990s— “sports skool”

Skool is a casual hip-hop reference to school.  Since there was no pressure to enroll, and no guilt of dropping out of “skool,”  it seemed like a good compromise.

I clicked on the menu, and went through my options.

First, there were 15 different yoga classes:  Vinyasa Flow, strength yoga, cardio boxing, arm burns, etc.  The names were pretty non descriptive.

I decided on a floor exercise only concept, called ‘Floor Fitness”

I briefly fast forwarded to see how long and  difficult the workout was going to be.  It seemed ok.

I told myself to commit to at least 20 min of the 45 min workout.

Well…after 10 minutes, this floor workout was killing me.  It was hard.  The concept of this exercise included all the mat workouts of  pilates, with yoga, and calisthenics.

There was one point in the routine where I had to support my side with my bent arm and do arm push ups.

I wasn’t feeling the burn like the kind instructor suggested, but I was feeling the embarrassment of the foolish workout poses.

After finishing about 20 minutes, I turned the TV to Bravo and watched some Housewives.

Probably why you have better luck working out at the gym, and not by being so close to the TV remote.  Less temptation.