Caitlyn Jenner should go on a Yacht, too.

Bravo TV….. thank you.

Now that the I am Cait series is over, I have managed to replace the emptiness of that show with another show.

Except this new show has nothing to do with freaky trans things.

It does, however, have yachts and 20 somethings and fun, drinking, and colorful guests.

Yes, Bravo TV has done it again with its new season of Below Deck, season 3.

Below Deck has some soap opera drama, some playful story lines, some hunky staff and of course lots of inside drama of yachty chefs not getting along with yachty Stews.

The only thing that would make this show explosive is if Cailtyn Jenner starred as one of the special guests on the yacht with her trans friends.

Now, that would be something to see! But sadly, Cait might have issues dressing up in a bathing suit.  And last I heard, you need to love hot tubs and jet skiing and swimming in the Caribbean to enjoy a yacht.

Beyonce’s Guide to Yachting

 

Beyonce’s guide to Yachting 101.

Beyonce has the most amazing, luxurious, carefree life ever!

She and her hubby love the yachting life.

All the pictures of Beyonce lately have been on her yacht swimming, eating, playing with daughter, sunbathing, stretching, dancing and walking about in high heels and caftans.

I am not sure if she has even visited any of her American properties lately.

I hope that no one has been taking advantage of those residences and making themselves at home while she’s been yachting it up.

Who wouldn’t want to stay on a yacht for a long period of time if they owned a yacht as wonderful as Beyonce and Jay-Z?

Her yachting life is a dream.  If you own a yacht like Beyonce…..

  1. You can spend your days and nights eating fabulous meals al fresco.
  2. You can take mini dips in the full sized pool onboard.
  3. You can partake in an impromptu dance party on the upper deck.
  4. You can sleep all day.
  5. You can sunbathe on all parts of the yacht.
  6. You can quickly send anyone overboard who gets on your nerves ..(well, not sure about that one)
  7. You can enjoy life’s finery and laugh at everyone else who is living a normal life.

Oh Beyonce…

Your life is a dream..

The Girl who Married too Soon…A Cautionary Tale

Kaley Cuoco and her hubby are divorcing.

I wonder why?

The picture above clearly shows the newlyweds love and happiness.

I have never seen two newlyweds so happy.

At least they are making the right decision.

It got me to thinking of this statement: “Act in haste repent in leisure”.

I also wrote a letter to Kaley in her time of need.

Dear Kaley:

Never get married to someone you’ve only dated for 3 months, because guess what…the honeymoon phase of the relationship always ends.  Then you are stuck with unhappy photos of you and your spouse during public outings.

 Also,  since you are a woman who doesn’t like being married, you’ll go through lots of hair experimentation because of your unhappiness.

Signed:

A concerned fan

The Muppets have become Moody

The Muppets have lost their minds….or at least the Muppet Show writers have lost their minds.

Sadly, if one always remembered the Muppets as being fun loving happy puppets….well, now they have been replaced with testy, defensive, miserable, and full of crap puppets.  Thanks Disney.

I was hoping that the world was nice again.

But it’s not.  The world sucks and the Muppets agree.

Let’s recap some story lines from this evening.

Remember how the crotchity old men would sit in a balcony and make fun of the show?

Well, the new show has moved them from the special VIP box now to a front row seat at the Muppet Theater.  Their role has been minimized to nothingness.

Just like real seniors are the forgotten ones, the new show was kind enough to make them the same.  It’s looks as if no one will take them home afterwards.  They are now a part of the forgotten generation.

Another obvious theme running through the new show centers around the relationship and consequential breakup of Miss Piggy and Kermit.  

I knew it was not going to be the happy-go-lucky Muppet Show when Kermit introduced a new Muppet friend as his new love. Let’s just say the new Piggy puppet was trampy, not glamorous, complacent, secretary-like.. and bimbo like.

Kinda like the busty woman who was on Mad Men.

And Kermit is obviously holding a lot of resentment, because he is very argumentative, testy, and not feeling the love for Miss Piggy anymore. He speaks of things no froggy should ever say.  Oh my!

Also, emotional eating was introduced for the first time in Muppet history.  

You see.  Kermit has replaced his love for Miss Piggy with food.  Miss Piggy was kind enough to point out Kermit’s new food belly.  Yikes!

You will have to watch the show in order to understand the craziness of that story.

Here are some tidbits of dialogue from tonight’s show:

  1. “too many women…too many towns”    ANIMAL
  2. “I once saw her lift up a piano to get to a half-eaten moon pie”
  3. “My life is a bacon wrapped hell on Earth”  –  KERMIT

Yikes!

Duchess Kate is out and about again!

Dear Kate,

It’s been a few months since I last penned you a letter.  Last time I wrote to yours truly was when you birthed your new baby girl Charlotte.

By the way, thanks for not sharing any pictures of her lately.  Smooth move as a protective mama bear.  That’s the new fashion of famous mothers these days…to hide their babies from the public eye.  And also the new trend is to refer to themselves as a “Mama Bear”.

Even Carrie Underwood refuses to show the face of her bundle of joy. All we can see on her Instagram is the back of her baby’s head.  

I think once she decides it’s too much work to always show back of head shots Carrie will share again.  But, for now we can only pretend to know what her baby looks like and that is dangerous.  We might be disappointed or pleasantly surprised once she reveals the lovely baby.    Just wait!  

But, you are royalty so it’s completely understandable.  Carrie Underwood?  Not so much.  I digress…

Anyways, I was happy to hear that the hubby is requiring you to do appearances again.  Now we can see you out and about again…living life.  I mean, I know that is your wifely duty and all so get to it!

What a good way to spend your second day out….. at a beefy Rugby match.  I am guessing you enjoyed yourself a lot more than some boring ceremony.  

Rugby matches are like eye candy……so my guess is that happy smile on your face was only a natural, uncontrolled reaction to seeing hot rugby men with their big leg muscles and fit bodies.

Thanks hubby for allowing you to live again!

But getting back to my letter, I hope new baby is doing well.  Some in the gossip world are already plotting your divorce or forcing a new pregnancy on you again.  I am guessing the world has it all wrong.

You were just taking a break, swimming about in your pool, drinking some champs.  

Oh well.

Keep your spirits up.  Love the new parted bangs look.  That is so “in” right now. 

Yours truly,

Me.

A bowl of cereal is better in the morning

When it comes to picking out a breakfast item in the morning, especially on rushed days, I always go for a bowl of cereal.

I sometimes make an egg or some pancakes, but those take a lot of time and prep work.  Plus, it also leaves dirty dishes to clean and that’s like the LAST thing I want to worry about in the morning. Sadly, sometimes the dinner plates are still waiting for me in the sink.  Ugh.  I call that kitchen laziness, or “watching some TV show last night that was far more important than washing a frying pan.”

Cereal falls into two categories:

  1. Healthy.
  2. Not so healthy.

The temptation of picking out the Apple Jacks over the Cheerios is pretty strong.  I am not able to make sound decisions at 7am in the morning.

Cereal companies know this because all the fun cereals have bright colors, or a cute leprechaun or happy something smirking through the box.

The box is saying make a bad choice.  Go for it.

Sadly, the healthy Cheerios or Honey Bunches of Oats, or boring bran flakes are subtle and contain images of grains,  or bowls of cereal,  or big letters that say healthy eating, less calories,and lots of fiber.  Those are super serious themes.

That’s right.  Healthy cereals mean business.  Nothing cheerful.  Nothing full of sugars.  All full of health in a bowl.

But I like eating a bowl of brightly colored orange and green rings.  That pop of color gets my mornings moving!

Kim has decided on her look and people love her!

Kim Kardashian has pretty much decided on her pregnancy look:

A  monotone spandex outfit with some type of long coat or jacket on her shoulders.

I would love to see her in some preggo jeans or even a comfy maxi dress.

But, that’s her look.  

Now that the I am Cait show has ended, E! has kept me tuned in with the new Keeping Up with the Kardasian’s season. Obviously, these two shows are going to be interchangeable for one another on Sunday nights.

Tonight’s episode was about Kim and Khloe visiting Armenia…their ancestral homeland.

They were treated like royalty so it was pretty special.

Even Kayne made the trip, but spent most of his time waking up with baby North and visiting an Armenia arts school to listen to Armenian music.

Ummm….ok.  I think he could of spent his time better.  

Demi Lovato was one of those stars I thought wouldn’t make it!

Demi Lovato is looking amazing lately!  Her pop song “Cool for the Summer” is on repeat in my head.

I am so happy for her.  I wasn’t sure about her continued growth as a pop star, but she seems to be killing it.  

I mean, she was one of those Disney stars like Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus….and we all know how Miley turned out. 

I am really happy Demi has kept herself on the straight and narrow.  Facts:

  1. She has a major music career.  She has sold out arenas everywhere.
  2. Demi looks really rich; whether it’s from her private jet travel, or Chloe bags she shares with us on Instagram.
  3. She’s dating a boy and not a girl…

I think she’s at her peak right now.  

Cross fingers that Demi doesn’t lose focus and fall off the wagon of fame and good taste.  

Oops!  I spoke too soon.  This was her last night at the iheart radio concert in Vegas.  

Miss America, I am Cait, and the US Open…. a night to remember..

Last night was a difficult night for TV watching.

First, the US Open Men’s finals were on.  Second, the season finale of I am Cait aired on E! and lastly, the live Miss America was being aired….it was really hard to choose.

The US OPEN obviously was last on my list, so I viewed it only during commercial breaks.  It was obvious that Federer was going to lose…so that was that.

The I am Cait series required my full attention so I recorded that show to watch later that evening.

So ultimately I decided to watch the Miss America Pagent because it was the only show I could make fun of while watching. 

Nick Jonas was touted as the music curator for the show this year, and sadly, his music choices sounded like something played in a bad club in Miami.  It was hard to focus on the competition when all you could focus on was Nick’s poor music choices.

He proudly chose Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Demi Lovato, and some other popular pop tunes.  It was like the audience was forced to sit through a bad Las Vegas pop show.

Even during the oh so important interview part of the competition,  the contestants looked like they had trouble hearing the questions as the peppy beats Nick picked out continued playing in the background.

Ahem…Nick…that would of been a perfect time to play some smooth jazz or orchestra music.

Next, all the judges looked bored and the cameras would awkwardly show their expressionless faces at weird times.

For example, the two men judges were given creepy airtime during the bathing suit part. It was very uncomfortable seeing the dude from Shark Tank smirking when the pretty girls pranced up in their bikinis.

The women judges must have been told the same thing to remain emotionless since Vanessa WIlliams and Zendaya looked like they were being cast in the new Mean Girls part 2 movie.  

Also, the show was only on for 2 hours, so there was a lot of panic behind the scenes.  Contestants were whisked away immediately after their talent portion, and looked as if they were in a state of undress on stage….rushing to make the next segment.

All in all, there wasn’t much controversy and the show ended as quickly as it started.  

As my evening was winding down, I had a little bit of time to watch the I am Cait that I recorder earlier.  I was very intriguded with the teasers so I had to check it out before bedtime.

  This is the show recap in a few sentences:

  1. First, Caitlyn had a self centered sit down talk with her ex Kris Jenner.
  2. Cait was very cold, stonefaced and really not into the visit.  She was so over the ex-wife, and acted like the marriage never existed.
  3. Kris left..they took a selfie…lipstick on the cheek kisses included.
  4. Next, comes the sit down ladies luncheon at the swanky Four Seasons Hotel.  All of Cait’s new trans bff’s  were talking about God and looking for a trans pastor to officiate Cait’s name change ceremony.
  5. Afterwards, the girls met Boy George and the Gay men’s Chorus…all of Cait’s new friends were super excited to be in their presence , too.
  6. By the way, if it wasn’t for Cait’s celebrity, her “new” friends would never of had the opportunity to rub shoulders with any famous person like Boy George.
  7. As the show was wrapping up, the love story of Candice and Cait continues.  Are they or aren’t they dating?  I smell a second series coming…
  8. Finally, at the naming ceremony, all the women wore white dresses, Cait looked like she was wasted, and Candace sang Amazing Grace with Boy George and the chorus…. but changed some of the words to fit the moment.    “Saved a wretch like me.”…. was changed to something else.

That was about it.

Kim K. still thinks she is a street cleaner!

Dear Kim and Kayne,

If you wanted to look like a dracula couple these outfits worked out just fine. 

But, Kim.

Please stop sweeping the streets with your expensive clothes.  No one has asked you to be in charge of cleaning all the sidewalks! 

Signed,

A concerned citizen…. who likes a clean sidewalk but in the old fashioned way of cleaning a sidewalk…. yea know, with a broom or spray hose.  Thanks!