Jessica Biel is Alive!

Hey guess what?

Jessica Biel finally ventured outside into the sunshine after having her Timberlake baby.  

This is like the most amazing news ever!

Thanks gossip magazines for your hard edge reporting.  I was kind of worried about Mrs. Timberlake.  I heard Justin might have some mama boy issues (another form of control) and was keeping her hidden away in their palatial home.

These are some key pieces of information I gathered from one ET article:

1432933838_jessica-biel-post-baby-body-article“A svelte Jessica Biel made her first post-baby appearance on Thursday, May 28 in Los Angeles”…

Svelte, a nice way to say hips, pudgy, or plus-size.

“...The new mom stepped out at Hollywood’s Sunset Gower Studios wearing a curve-hugging black-and-white jumpsuit and beige cardigan”…

OMG!! She wore a curve hugging jumpsuit…has she lost her mind? …no one looks good in a jumpsuit or a beige cardigan…  how “new mom” of her!

“A source tells ET that she was upbeat during the hour-long visit”….

Thank you valet at the Sunset Gower Studios, your observation of our new mom was nothing like I would expect of a new mommy: super tired, grumpy, and gassy.  I am glad she was keeping it “upbeat” like a 50s stereotype of a woman.

This hard hitting news story was definitely appreciated..thanks.

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