A letter to Kate, Duchess of Cambridge…

Dear Kate Middleton, uh, my apologies,  Duchess of Cambridge,

Talk about your quickie birth.

I know you just gave birth to your new daughter; she’s quite lovely, and a perfect shade of pink.

But, I am really surprised you are already leaving the hospital.  Isn’t there a way Prince Charles can take care of Prince William for one day and night?  Or Prince William can take care of Prince George for a night?

I mean, I know it’s stressful and all, but Prince William really needs to read up on some parenting books, like Sh*t, I am going to be a father again;  or Parenting the Royal Way; or Princes and their Princesses..say goodbye to Sleep..  those might have been more supportive.

Duchess, you have my sympathy and all the women around the world’s sympathy.

Let’s face it…you were really looking forward to taking those pain pills for one night, and also just chilling and having the nurses wait on you.  I got you.

You shouldn’t have any guilt about wanting that..But no.. Obviously,  others have certain ideas for you….

Maybe next time, you could call baby Daddy William and  re-ask him to hold down the fort for just one night? Please?

I know the last thing you wanted to do was get all properly dressed, with hosiery, and pumps immediately after the birth… and have your hair and makeup person tone down any water retention,  with the Kim Kardashian makeup shading tips…

I will give you some credit.. Good call with the long baby blanket.  It definitely hides an after birth tummy.   That was a very good decision Kate.